And baby makes 3?

No, I am not pregnant. But Cabana Boy's ex-girlfriend is. And it's his kid. And I just found out about the situation this week. So, now you are all probably wondering what am I gonna do about it. Well, it's like this.....

I feel that everyone deserves one major fuckup in a relationship. Things between Cabana Boy and I have been far from perfect. When it comes down to it though we have really been trying to make things work. There are a few issues with him that I have to decide if I can live with, mainly his diabetes. And our moving in together was my way of making a commitment to him to try.

I do feel lied to and betrayed. He is well aware of that fact. He is very sorry he did not tell me sooner and that he chose instead to hide things from me and lie to me. I do wonder that if he could hide something this big, what else is he capable of hiding. The trust in our relationship is gone, and it will take a lot of work on his part to get it back. He had already been working on a lot of the issues we had previously discussed, and so far has really been making the effort to get us back to where we need to be.

My personal policy has always been never to date a man with children. My reason for this stems from my childhood. My father had sole custody of me and went through numerous wives and girlfriends throughout my childhood. Each time one of these relationships ended I was left with a broken heart never to see that woman again. I swore to myself that I would NEVER put another child through that kind of heartache.

However, I have decided at this time to stick by him. We are going to try and get custody of his son (to be born sometime this summer) as his ex and his ex's family are completely psychotic and not a good environment to raise a child in. (So if anyone can refer us to a good family law attorney in the Houston area that would be fabulous.) We need to talk with an attorney and see what can be done. Cabana Boy is going to try and talk to his ex first and see if he can reason with her, but we don't have much hope for that. I truly do empathize for her situation and can completely understand how she feels, but now is the time to stop thinking about herself and start thinking about what is best for her child.

I spent a lot of time agonizing this decision. I know that I am risking major heartbreak, not just if Cabana Boy breaks my heart again, but of losing a child I will have loved as my own. We have discussed this fact and will hopefully be able to come to some sort of agreement if that situation were ever to occur.

The path I've chosen is not the easy one, but I always seem to choose the rough road. Even though that road is hard, I always come out a better person for taking it.

A little can go a long way

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. It seems that my life has been spinning out of control as of late. I hate to come on here and just be all woe is me, so I've been keeping to myself.

A small sample of my recent hell:
I threw a rod in my car and had to buy a whole new vehicle.
I've never been so broke in all of my life.
I've been feeling horrible, headaches, colds, just weird.
My job sucks ass and my boss has been a real asshole to me lately.
I had to give away the dog the Cabana Boy bought me cause she was a psycho.
One of my really good friends moved halfway across the world.
We had to put my goats to sleep because the one I hand raised from 3 weeks old got cancer and goats bond for life.
We moved and nothing has gone smoothly, I had to paint our new bathroom 5 times to cover up the horrid green that was in there.
The Cabana Boy and I have major issues to work through and it's not going as well as I had hoped it would.
And to top it all off, my asshole of an ex decided to stalk my best friend and I had to deal with all that mess.

Soooooo........

I have felt awful these last few months. Like nothing I do ever goes right and I can't make a good decision to save my life. I've been going through my day to day like a zombie wiht nothing really making me smile. Until today...

I'm standing in line at Qdoba about to get to the register when I get tapped on the shoulder. This stunning blonde woman leans over and says, "I have this coupon for a 2 for 1, would you like to split it with me?"
I could've cried. I didn't really have the money to spend there, but I wanted the comfort food. So I got my lunch for $3 instead of $10. She was so kind and friendly. I was finally in the right place at the right time for once. That small act of kindness put a smile on my face and gave me a glimmer of hope for what's to come.

So thank you blonde lady at Qdoba. You made my day.