Rockstars, drunks, and Odinists. OH MY!

So I've been burning up myspace trying to meet new people. Notice I said trying. LOL Not to say I haven't met some new friends, they just know my old friends too.
I started a new job a few weeks ago and I have really connected with a girl that I work with. We are the same age, both have Yorkies, and are a lil bit punk rock. I went out a few Saturdays ago with my friend Gin, and we met up with some of the girls from the derby team. Gin is from out of state and recognized this guy at the bar. Come to find out that thye knew each other through a mutual friend in Gin's hometown. My new friend at work is this guy's best friend. We were at the same bar at the same time and didn't see each other.

Fast foward to this week when I met my very own Boondock Saint. Boondock is from Boston (gotta love that accent, very sexy) and sings in a local band. He invited me to come to his show last night, so I listened to some of his band's tracks and really got into it (his band is a mix of hardcore, punk, and hip hop). So I think of Gin, and call and ask her to come out with me. Turns out she knows Boondock!! Samll fucking world it is.

Then I meet this new guy, Infamous. He's got that smartass attitude that really trips my trigger. I just dig his anti-social style. We get to talking and it turns out that he grew up with two of my friends!! Good gawd!!

So last night a bunch of people met up at my house to go to Boondock's show and then to a local dive bar afterwards. Talk about an eclectic group of people, there were rockabilly girls, punk rockers, former skinheads, hip hoppers, artists, chefs, college boys, ex cons, and me. LOL

I had a total blast hanging out with everyone and being able to introduce one set of my friends to another and seeing them totally get along. We all want to hang out again soon. I've missed being able to hang out with my friends and not worry about the guy I'm with offending someone. I've missed being able to hang out and not have someone calling me 100 times to see what I'm doing. I had more fun last night then I have in a really long time.

On the boy front: I've met a few guys that I plan on going out on a date with. There is one in particular that I really, really like. Stay tuned for more details...

Can nice = naughty?

Here's the rub, every girl wants what she can't have or doesn't exist. I know, I know, this news is so very shocking you must sit down and fan yourself before you succumb to shock. LOL

I have this impossible idea of what MY man should be:

A true gentleman - I want my door opened, my hand held, my honor defended in a dark alley, and to be walked to my car at night.

A romantic - I want flowers for no reason, gentle kisses, cuddling on the couch, and surprises that make me giggle.

An old fashioned traditionalism - I want him to mow the lawn, fix the car, bring home the bacon, take out the trash, and kill the bugs.

A dominant lover - I want to be "taken", my pleasure in pleasing him becomes his pleasure, I want him to call the shots, and I want to be wanted endlessly.

I don't think it should be so hard to find all of these things in one man, but it is. One of my biggest issues to date has been finding one or two of these things and then latching on hoping I can make him do the rest. It's like what men want from a woman, "Lady in the street and a freak in the sheets." I want the same thing in a man. I want a man I can take home to mama that will knock her socks off and have her asking me when we'll be making the "big commitment". I want a man that has me so sprung that I want him anytime, anywhere. I want a man that can kick some ass in a fight and that lets me see him cry when things are bad. I want a man that knows how to rebuild a carburetor and writes poetry. I want a M-A-N.

So because I'm looking for the bad boy with the soul of a poet I seem to not be attracted to truly decent guys. You know the ones, right ladies? The sweet, full of compliments, genuine all around good guy. Yeah, that good guy would meet most of what I want and more, but I wonder if he can really man-up when I need him to. Can he be aggressive enough in bed for me? Can he fight his own battles, especially when provoked? Will he make me feel like I belong to him and no one else?

I have decided to keep dating outside my box. Even though things did not work out before, I did learn a few things about who I am and what I really need. It's worth it to keep trying and not turn down anyone. I have two very nice guys that I am currently talking with. I enjoy our conversations tremendously. They both make me laugh and I feel comfortable. But I also feel like something could be missing with them. That carnal spark between a man and a woman that curls your toes and makes you weak in the knees. I also have someone that I think fits everything I could ask for and more, but I don't know if he thinks of me "that way". I guess we all just wait and see what unfolds...

Deleted

It's strange how technology changes how one moves on to a new chapter. It used to be things like packing away photos and love letters. Now it's deleting them from your myspace, removing your comments, and deleting a blog that was entirely about how they made you feel. The final step in healing used to be putting away that last momento that you were holding on to with the hope that something someday would change. Now it's finally deleting that number from your cell phone knowing that you will never call it again.

I've done all these things and more. I have not shed a tear since the day he moved out. I'm ready to move foward now. I'm ready to start anew. Goodbye Michael. This is the last blog I will ever write about you.

Rocky Mountain Rollergirl

Yes, my little darlings I have finally taken the big plunge.

I made my mind up and contacted those babes on four wheels and found out how I can become so damn fabulous myself.

I met with Jayne Manslaughter Saturday night and had a wonderful time. Practice starts January 2nd and I could not be more excited!

Now all I need to do is come up with a kickass derby name. Suggestions?

It was all lies.

So Cabana Boy is almost gone. I have his keys, he has my money, and there are just a few more things for him collect tomorrow. I know deep down that I've made the right decision not just for me, but for him. It doesn't make it easier for me though. There were a lot of good things about our relationship that I will miss. My heart hurts so much right now. And to make it all worse he is as cold as ice. He just doesn't seem to care at all that this year of our lives is over. There was absolutely no emotion whatsoever from him tonight. No apologies. No pleas for forgiveness. No fuck yous. No have a nice life. No nothing.

Nothing.

That hurts most of all.

I guess all of this was just a big lie...

"and yes i want to be with you other wise i would not have worked my ass off to get this house for us.and yes some times it hard for me to talk to women because of my mom but ill try harder if you wana talk then you have to start it . because i wont nor will i fight because i have a pretty mean temper and it get me in to trouble . so look im in love with you.

you see you are the opposit of me wich is good for me cause it keeps me calm and if i did not want you in my life i would not have takin you to fl and let you quit youre job wat you need to understand is some tims i flirt and dont mean to and yes im streees out im the one who has to come up with the money for the bills and if i did not want to be wiyh you i would not try to promote you and youre hena love you stupid boy frinend"