Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

In the past few months I have come to the realization that one of my best friends and I have grown apart. We aren't communicating effectively anymore. We'll talk and nothing is making sense to the other one. I find myself feeling left out of her life. We tried to talk about how we were each feeling, but I still left the conversation feeling as though things were over. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it and I just don't know what will fix it.

About a week went by since I called her and when I logged into myspace I had been deleted from her friends list. At first I was really angry and hurt by this. The phone works both ways after all. And then the more I thought about it, the more I was ok with it. I guess we both feel we need a break from each other.

I feel bad that it is happening now in a time of her life when she needs all of her friends support. I wish I could be there for her with my whole heart, but I don't have anything to give anyone right now. With her encouragement I began to go to therapy in an effort to really clean out my closet of all the old skeletons and baggage hanging around. And now that I am in the midst of that project I am emotionally drained. All I want to do is cry. I just don't have it in me to support someone else right now. And for that I am deeply sorry to her.

In my perfect world, we will be friends again someday. We'll run into each other somewhere, one of us will randomly pick up the phone, or send an email and it will be a happy reunion. I don't know how to express this thought to her, as I can only assume that she is angry with me and won't want to hear it. I can only hope that with time her anger will pass and she will remember the good times that we shared. She has been a wonderful friend to me and I would hope that she will eventually think of me in the same way.

I'll miss our spontaneous road trips, long phone conversations about nothing at all, comparing our opinions on the latest reality tv nightmare, meeting for dinner, planning our next tattoos, and of course all the shopping trips. Every time I look at the tattoo we share I will think of her with a smile. I miss her already.