Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I'm insatiable...

when it comes to sex.
The more I get the more I want.
The less I get the more I want.
I don't want just one orgasm,
I want multiples.
I don't want 15 minutes,
I want an hour of your undivided attention.
I don't just want sex once a night,
I want to be awoken to the feeling of you sliding inside me.

I want
I want
I want

*sigh*

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Internet Infidelity

In today's society with all things online it makes it harder and harder to have hard and firm relationship boundaries. If the act doesn't involve physical contact is it still cheating? Apparently, according to some, having an online relationship is having an "emotional affair". I think I believe that to some degree. Unless the topic of online play has been discussed in a relationship it can definitely feel like betrayal. Especially when the "other woman" knows of your existance and does everything in her power to entice online. Or what about the significant other that turns every innocent conversation with a member of the opposite sex into something sexual? For example, telling her how hot she is, would she ever consider having sex with him, what kinds of sex does she like, etc.

I personally find it all so damn frustrating. Over and over I see married men trolling online for play. Why not play online with their wife? Send her a naughty email or start up a raunchy IM conversation. If one of you doesn't have access to the internet during the day give her a quickie style phone call or send a naughty text message. Or maybe it is the thrill of the chase that he's missing. Maybe he's just looking for someone to feed his ego. I really don't know.

The hard part for me personally is that I met Cabana Boy online. Our relationship started out as meaningless online play. Then we moved to phone calls and naughty IM's. Then we met and the rest is history. In the beginning of my fun with Cabana Boy I had no intention of EVER meeting him in person. He wasn't my type. Honestly, his picture on myspace frightened me a bit. Then as I got to know him I started to fall for his charm. The one day after two weeks of asking me to fuck him in his piercing room he decides that our first time needs to be more special since he is developing feelings for me. And there I was meeting a guy I swore I would never meet cause it was just "fun". And that right there is what makes me nervous about him "playing around online". Because I know that despite the best intentions that something real can develop in the cyber world. I know that not only did I meet Cabana Boy online, but I have also forged friendships online that have lead to life long relationships. I've traveled thousands of miles to meet someone that I had only ever typed to before. So don't ask me not to be upset about things said online. I KNOW they have meaning behind them. Don't ask me to turn the other cheek when you flirt with every girl that isn't me online. Don't ask me not to worry when the only girls you look at online are the ones that I'm not. And don't treat me like I'm overreacting because you and I both know that things said online can sometimes come true.

Monday, November 21, 2005

I had a dream about you last night

We were in the middle of a crowd, hadn't seen each other in ages, I saw you first, my cheeks flushed at the thought of us together. Your eyes meet mine, first in confusion, then surprise, and finally lust. You maneuver your way through the sea of people and reach for my hand. I'm timid at first, butterflies in my belly and my heart racing. We embrace as old friends and the standard questions emerge, how have you been, what are you up to now, do you remember the time we. You ask where I'm headed to and I ask where you've been. I know that time doesn't matter when it comes to the two of us. I whisper to you that I'm on my way home. You ask if you may walk me there. I nod yes as you take my hand and we begin to walk. Each step brings memories of laughter shared, secrets revealed, truths told, and passion ignited. When we reach my front door, you ask to come in. I say yes. You ask to be part of life once more. I say yes. You ask me to forgive you. I say yes. You ask me if I still love you. I say yes. You ask me to spend my life with you. I say yes.

And then my dream ends. I wake with a sense of emptiness because you aren't there beside me. I wonder if wherever you are if you are dreaming of me. I wonder what if...