I've highlighted the ones I feel are most important. If only all my stalkers, I mean readers, would heed them as well...
Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
Dream more while you are awake.
Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
Forgive everyone for everything. <--- Definitely one to live by for a healthier, happier you.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Anxious
I have been in the midst of an anxiety attack for the last two weeks. I constantly feel as if my skin is crawling, I can't stop moving, can't stop thinking, feel sick to my stomach, and just want to cry at everything. I have been seeing a therapist for the last few months and I think bringing up all this old baggage that I have been avoiding is manifesting itself physically. I talked to her about it last night and she has given me some tips for dealing with my anxiety. It's hard to do relaxation exercises when nothing feels safe anymore. I am looking for a new house, a new job, my dog has gone blind in the last week, and I just feel alone in it all.
It would be nice to have that one person that was willing to drop everything just to hold my hand in this. I have friends, but they all have their own lives and their own issues. I've had to cut some people out of my life lately because they need to much of me and I have nothing left to give. Literally nothing. I don't have the energy to be supportive. How sad is that? It is like I am not myself anymore. My therapist said that things might get worse before they get better. I hope that is where they are. I am forcing myself to leave the house, not only for work, but occasionally to socialize. Although, I don't really have much to say. I am avoiding as many phone calls as I can for the same reason. I just need everything to stop being in limbo. I need to know what is going to happen and when. The only way I can fall asleep at night is to stay up until my eyes won't open anymore and repeat to myself that everything is going to be ok.
So...
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
It would be nice to have that one person that was willing to drop everything just to hold my hand in this. I have friends, but they all have their own lives and their own issues. I've had to cut some people out of my life lately because they need to much of me and I have nothing left to give. Literally nothing. I don't have the energy to be supportive. How sad is that? It is like I am not myself anymore. My therapist said that things might get worse before they get better. I hope that is where they are. I am forcing myself to leave the house, not only for work, but occasionally to socialize. Although, I don't really have much to say. I am avoiding as many phone calls as I can for the same reason. I just need everything to stop being in limbo. I need to know what is going to happen and when. The only way I can fall asleep at night is to stay up until my eyes won't open anymore and repeat to myself that everything is going to be ok.
So...
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Everything is going to be ok.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday
In the past few months I have come to the realization that one of my best friends and I have grown apart. We aren't communicating effectively anymore. We'll talk and nothing is making sense to the other one. I find myself feeling left out of her life. We tried to talk about how we were each feeling, but I still left the conversation feeling as though things were over. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it and I just don't know what will fix it.
About a week went by since I called her and when I logged into myspace I had been deleted from her friends list. At first I was really angry and hurt by this. The phone works both ways after all. And then the more I thought about it, the more I was ok with it. I guess we both feel we need a break from each other.
I feel bad that it is happening now in a time of her life when she needs all of her friends support. I wish I could be there for her with my whole heart, but I don't have anything to give anyone right now. With her encouragement I began to go to therapy in an effort to really clean out my closet of all the old skeletons and baggage hanging around. And now that I am in the midst of that project I am emotionally drained. All I want to do is cry. I just don't have it in me to support someone else right now. And for that I am deeply sorry to her.
In my perfect world, we will be friends again someday. We'll run into each other somewhere, one of us will randomly pick up the phone, or send an email and it will be a happy reunion. I don't know how to express this thought to her, as I can only assume that she is angry with me and won't want to hear it. I can only hope that with time her anger will pass and she will remember the good times that we shared. She has been a wonderful friend to me and I would hope that she will eventually think of me in the same way.
I'll miss our spontaneous road trips, long phone conversations about nothing at all, comparing our opinions on the latest reality tv nightmare, meeting for dinner, planning our next tattoos, and of course all the shopping trips. Every time I look at the tattoo we share I will think of her with a smile. I miss her already.
About a week went by since I called her and when I logged into myspace I had been deleted from her friends list. At first I was really angry and hurt by this. The phone works both ways after all. And then the more I thought about it, the more I was ok with it. I guess we both feel we need a break from each other.
I feel bad that it is happening now in a time of her life when she needs all of her friends support. I wish I could be there for her with my whole heart, but I don't have anything to give anyone right now. With her encouragement I began to go to therapy in an effort to really clean out my closet of all the old skeletons and baggage hanging around. And now that I am in the midst of that project I am emotionally drained. All I want to do is cry. I just don't have it in me to support someone else right now. And for that I am deeply sorry to her.
In my perfect world, we will be friends again someday. We'll run into each other somewhere, one of us will randomly pick up the phone, or send an email and it will be a happy reunion. I don't know how to express this thought to her, as I can only assume that she is angry with me and won't want to hear it. I can only hope that with time her anger will pass and she will remember the good times that we shared. She has been a wonderful friend to me and I would hope that she will eventually think of me in the same way.
I'll miss our spontaneous road trips, long phone conversations about nothing at all, comparing our opinions on the latest reality tv nightmare, meeting for dinner, planning our next tattoos, and of course all the shopping trips. Every time I look at the tattoo we share I will think of her with a smile. I miss her already.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Just grumpy
Have you ever been in a sour mood where everything and everyone just gets on your nerves?
I am having one of those moments. It seems like lately everyone wants something from me and I just want to be left alone to stew. I just got done arguing with one of my bosses over the dumbest, smallest thing. I guess I kept arguing because I wasn't feeling listened to. That seems to be the current trend. The only person that really hears me anymore is my therapist and that's just cause I'm paying her. Everyone else wants to hear part of my story and then turn it into something about them. At that point my spoiled inner child throws a tantrum cause it should be about ME ME ME!!! *sigh* Especially now, cause my birthday is coming up and I really would like to feel special for one day a year. Every other day I work at making everyone I know feel special so I deserve one day, right?
Even my parents are up my butt about stuff. I am trying to buy a house and my mother calls today to talk about a mortgage calculator she found online and how I should start practicing to pay my mortgage. My reply, "Ummm. I do that now. It's called paying rent."
"Yes, but your mortgage is going to be at least $1200."
"Where did you get that from? For the price range I am looking in my mortgage should be no more than $1000."
"Well, you have to include insurance and taxes. Let me see what this calculator says... It says for $160,000 house your mortgage will be $925 per month."
"Yes, and I'm paying $900 now so what's your point?"
"Well, then you have to add taxes and insurance and it will be closer to $1200."
"Ummm, yeah, I don't think so. I already called my insurance agent and my insurance will be cheaper then what I already pay now. I don;t include insurance in my "monthly payment" amount cause it is an expense I already have now. Taxes are $864 per year on the house I like which is $72 per month. Which comes to $1000. So like I said..."
"Well, I still think you should start practicing paying your mortgage."
*SIGH*
I am having one of those moments. It seems like lately everyone wants something from me and I just want to be left alone to stew. I just got done arguing with one of my bosses over the dumbest, smallest thing. I guess I kept arguing because I wasn't feeling listened to. That seems to be the current trend. The only person that really hears me anymore is my therapist and that's just cause I'm paying her. Everyone else wants to hear part of my story and then turn it into something about them. At that point my spoiled inner child throws a tantrum cause it should be about ME ME ME!!! *sigh* Especially now, cause my birthday is coming up and I really would like to feel special for one day a year. Every other day I work at making everyone I know feel special so I deserve one day, right?
Even my parents are up my butt about stuff. I am trying to buy a house and my mother calls today to talk about a mortgage calculator she found online and how I should start practicing to pay my mortgage. My reply, "Ummm. I do that now. It's called paying rent."
"Yes, but your mortgage is going to be at least $1200."
"Where did you get that from? For the price range I am looking in my mortgage should be no more than $1000."
"Well, you have to include insurance and taxes. Let me see what this calculator says... It says for $160,000 house your mortgage will be $925 per month."
"Yes, and I'm paying $900 now so what's your point?"
"Well, then you have to add taxes and insurance and it will be closer to $1200."
"Ummm, yeah, I don't think so. I already called my insurance agent and my insurance will be cheaper then what I already pay now. I don;t include insurance in my "monthly payment" amount cause it is an expense I already have now. Taxes are $864 per year on the house I like which is $72 per month. Which comes to $1000. So like I said..."
"Well, I still think you should start practicing paying your mortgage."
*SIGH*
Friday, June 13, 2008
You're Not The Only One
In the last three years there have been times I wrote daily and there have been times where there were months between posts. This blog started as journal of my experiences in the world of internet dating. It was a place I could express my feelings of being a curvy girl and trying to find the right man. I have shared my innermost feelings and thoughts here. I have also shared my most embarrassing moments as well. It was one of those awful moments that led me to write my most "famous" post to date. This post was featured in the Carnival of Sin and to this day still generates the majority of the traffic to my little corner of the cyber-world. Who knew that my tale of internet dating gone horribly wrong would be so interesting to so many.
When I heard that a book was being put together by a few other bloggers called "You're Not The Only One" in the spirit of being able to relate to someones experiences through the internet, I thought I would submit my tale and see what happened. Well, my submission was chosen!!! I am officially in print!!
All proceeds from the book go to a great charity, Warchild. So please consider purchasing the book, donating to a great cause, and maybe finding someone else that knows exactly how you feel. All you have to do is click the Lulu link on my sidebar. To read more about how this book came to be and see the distinguished list of contributing bloggers, click on the book icon for more details.
I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone that has ever read my blog, commented, and empathized with my journey. I promise to keep writing as long as you keep reading. It really does make me feel as if I am not the only one out here.
When I heard that a book was being put together by a few other bloggers called "You're Not The Only One" in the spirit of being able to relate to someones experiences through the internet, I thought I would submit my tale and see what happened. Well, my submission was chosen!!! I am officially in print!!
All proceeds from the book go to a great charity, Warchild. So please consider purchasing the book, donating to a great cause, and maybe finding someone else that knows exactly how you feel. All you have to do is click the Lulu link on my sidebar. To read more about how this book came to be and see the distinguished list of contributing bloggers, click on the book icon for more details.
I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone that has ever read my blog, commented, and empathized with my journey. I promise to keep writing as long as you keep reading. It really does make me feel as if I am not the only one out here.
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