Let's get real

I stole this idea from Bitter Betty over at Tastes Like Purple so if you haven't been reading over there, do. She is fucking hilarious!!

The idea is to write 15 honest statements to anyone you want to, dead or alive, past or present, but no names. I think we should all play along! ;)

Here are mine:

1. Sometimes you are a selfish asshole who never thinks of anyone but yourself.

2. All I ever wanted was your love and acceptance and all I ever got was your judgment and indifference.

3. You are the only person in my life that loved and accepted me unconditionally.

4. I miss our late night dates in front of the TV, drinking rum and coke, and making out like teenagers.

5. I wish you could have seen yourself the way I saw you.

6. You pretended to be someone you weren't for two years. You lied to me and cheated on me and I hope you get back everything you gave tenfold.

7. You claim not to be shallow, but you focus on the superficial and you are missing out on what really matters.

8. I have the biggest crush on you and wish you would ask me out on a date cause I will never make the first move.

9. You never really hear anything I tell you.

10. It wouldn't have taken much for me to fall in love with you, I was almost there.

11. I never really loved you and knew in the first week that we would never stay together.

12. As much as I want to help make your situation better, I can't help but think that you made things that bad yourself.

13. Your boyfriend flirts with me, kissed me, and makes sexual advances towards me. I tell him no, but I really want to tell him yes.

14. Your best friend fucked your husband.

15. You will never find what you are looking for as long as you close your mind to people that don't fit your pre-conceived notion of what you think they should be.

There just isn't a simple answer to this giant mess I'm in

From: A
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 9:49 AM
To: Bex
Subject: what cha need

you called last night?

From: Bex
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 10:02 AM
To: A
Subject: RE: what cha need

Things with Poet just got really bad.


hmmm, why?

We got into a huge fight last night. The whole situation is just beyond broken that I don't know what we can do to fix it. He thinks that if we stop sleeping together that everything will be ok. I think that it's unrealistic to think we could keep hanging out together and not have sex. The line has already been crossed. He says that he likes me, is attracted to me, wants to keep spending time together. He also wants to be able to date other people and not make a commitment to anyone until he is absolutely sure about things. He says that our having sex together clouds both of our judgment and is making things too complicated. It just got so nasty last night. I had to leave the house for awhile just to be able to breathe. Then later he blew up at me cause I was crying and then just left the room. That pissed me off so I went after him to yell at him and he was crying. He keeps apologizing for hurting me and says he just wants me to be happy. So we fall asleep and he wakes up and asks if I'm ok and then says that he loves me. WTF???!!?? I am so confused.


you both are morons

That is ever so helpful. Thanks.

if he isn't going to make a commitment of any kind then why bother with the whole deal?

I really like him a lot. He makes me laugh.

then you can continue on the route your are on.

So are you saying that even if I'm patient and understanding he still won't want to be with me in the end?


nope, but until he changes his mind you either tag along and play by his rules or you don't.

It's just so damn frustrating that he keeps changing his mind on what he wants from me.

I am trying to date other people and not get attached to him. It's just really hard.


then you will have to set the standard then. Start playing by your rules.

I don't know how to do that. It's not in my personality to be the "aggressor" in any situation.

you don't have to be aggressive. Just write on a piece of paper the rules you need to follow and stick to them

Even that is hard because I really have no idea what I want from him or how to handle any of this. He flipped out cause I was upset that he wants to hang out with another girl this weekend while I would be around. I feel bad for even asking him not to cause we have no commitment and can do whatever he wants. At the same time though, it is unfair for him to ask me to have to sit there while he is on a "date" 10 feet away from me.


then you have to tell him that he cant. That is the price you now both will pay because you have played. It's only fair and if he doesn't like it. Tell him to blow.

He agreed not to have us be in the same vicinity but he isn't happy about it. I have never screwed up so much in my life.
He made a joke last night about if I made an ad on craigslist and he answered it. I told him he would never answer an ad from me because we aren't each other's "type" and that is what makes this whole situation so damn frustrating. I feel that there is a reason we feel the way we do about each other and that maybe we should run with it and see where it takes us. He doesn't see it that way. How do you reconcile that?


you don't, you cant change someone's mind for them

It makes no sense though. One minute he is telling me how much he likes me, how attracted he is to me, how much he wants to have sex with me and the next minute he is talking about dating other people. It's almost as if he builds me up to tear me down. I know that is not his intention but that is how all this makes me feel. "I like you but I won't date you." WTF is that?


why buy the cow?

Talk about damned if you damned if you don't. Would you consider a relationship with someone that wouldn't have sex with you?


yes, sex is part of a relationship, not what a relationship comes from

This is the part of dating that I hate. It's all a fuckin game. How long do you wait to call or to see again or to sleep with, etc. It's so stupid. God forbid people actually say what they really feel and screw all the rest.

My values

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

Risking it all

My heart on the line. My choice. Don't pull away from me because you don't want to hurt me. If I am willing to risk a broken heart on the chance that something wonderful could happen between us, you should let that decision be mine. I know you care about me and are only thinking of my feelings, but think about the feelings that are happening now. Neither one of us knows what fate has in store for us. Let's take advantage of the now and deal with things as they come. You have said it time and time again that no matter how many times you tell yourself that we won't have sex again we keep ending up in bed together. That is because we both WANT to be there. Be willing to take a risk on being happy. I am not like all those fake girls that you have been with in the past. I have no desire to hurt you or break your heart. I am always completely honest with you the way you are with me. I know the stakes are high, but let's gamble it all. After all, we could always win in the end.

I'll keep trying

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

~I Try~Macy Gray