There just isn't a simple answer to this giant mess I'm in

From: A
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 9:49 AM
To: Bex
Subject: what cha need

you called last night?

From: Bex
Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 10:02 AM
To: A
Subject: RE: what cha need

Things with Poet just got really bad.


hmmm, why?

We got into a huge fight last night. The whole situation is just beyond broken that I don't know what we can do to fix it. He thinks that if we stop sleeping together that everything will be ok. I think that it's unrealistic to think we could keep hanging out together and not have sex. The line has already been crossed. He says that he likes me, is attracted to me, wants to keep spending time together. He also wants to be able to date other people and not make a commitment to anyone until he is absolutely sure about things. He says that our having sex together clouds both of our judgment and is making things too complicated. It just got so nasty last night. I had to leave the house for awhile just to be able to breathe. Then later he blew up at me cause I was crying and then just left the room. That pissed me off so I went after him to yell at him and he was crying. He keeps apologizing for hurting me and says he just wants me to be happy. So we fall asleep and he wakes up and asks if I'm ok and then says that he loves me. WTF???!!?? I am so confused.


you both are morons

That is ever so helpful. Thanks.

if he isn't going to make a commitment of any kind then why bother with the whole deal?

I really like him a lot. He makes me laugh.

then you can continue on the route your are on.

So are you saying that even if I'm patient and understanding he still won't want to be with me in the end?


nope, but until he changes his mind you either tag along and play by his rules or you don't.

It's just so damn frustrating that he keeps changing his mind on what he wants from me.

I am trying to date other people and not get attached to him. It's just really hard.


then you will have to set the standard then. Start playing by your rules.

I don't know how to do that. It's not in my personality to be the "aggressor" in any situation.

you don't have to be aggressive. Just write on a piece of paper the rules you need to follow and stick to them

Even that is hard because I really have no idea what I want from him or how to handle any of this. He flipped out cause I was upset that he wants to hang out with another girl this weekend while I would be around. I feel bad for even asking him not to cause we have no commitment and can do whatever he wants. At the same time though, it is unfair for him to ask me to have to sit there while he is on a "date" 10 feet away from me.


then you have to tell him that he cant. That is the price you now both will pay because you have played. It's only fair and if he doesn't like it. Tell him to blow.

He agreed not to have us be in the same vicinity but he isn't happy about it. I have never screwed up so much in my life.
He made a joke last night about if I made an ad on craigslist and he answered it. I told him he would never answer an ad from me because we aren't each other's "type" and that is what makes this whole situation so damn frustrating. I feel that there is a reason we feel the way we do about each other and that maybe we should run with it and see where it takes us. He doesn't see it that way. How do you reconcile that?


you don't, you cant change someone's mind for them

It makes no sense though. One minute he is telling me how much he likes me, how attracted he is to me, how much he wants to have sex with me and the next minute he is talking about dating other people. It's almost as if he builds me up to tear me down. I know that is not his intention but that is how all this makes me feel. "I like you but I won't date you." WTF is that?


why buy the cow?

Talk about damned if you damned if you don't. Would you consider a relationship with someone that wouldn't have sex with you?


yes, sex is part of a relationship, not what a relationship comes from

This is the part of dating that I hate. It's all a fuckin game. How long do you wait to call or to see again or to sleep with, etc. It's so stupid. God forbid people actually say what they really feel and screw all the rest.