Passion for life

So I've been temping at this new job since the beginning of December. I have interviewed along with a few other candidates for this position. I have a bit of an edge above everyone else solely because I am already here doing the job. Denver is a city chock full of administrative assistants with identical skills so it is very difficult to find a job much less land an interview when you are swimming through a sea of clones. Since I have been here I have been giving this job 110%. I am working my ass off to show what I can do. I NEED this job. In the beginning I wanted this job because I kicked out the loser and desperately need the paycheck coming in. This is still the case, but now that I've been here a month I've found something else. I don't just need this job, I WANT this job. I really enjoy everyone I work with. It's a great team of people that not only care about each other, but about the work they do on a daily basis. I also enjoy the work I've been doing. It's diverse in what I've been doing in the past and I find it interesting.

Yesterday the director of my department and I sat down to discuss the future of the postion that I have been occupying. He told me that I have been the best temp that he has ever worked with. I have been able to come into this postion and not miss a beat. I have gone above and beyond the call of duty and he appriciates the job I do everyday. So after building me up, he breaks my heart (typical man). He says that while I am doing a great job, he and the team are concerned about my committment/confidence level to this job. So they are going to continue interviewing other candidates. He says he wants to be sure that they get the "right fit" for this position. He said that when they were interviewing me that the "light" didn't come on when I was talking about the job. He also expressed concern about my uncertainty about what I want out of life. So they are worried that if things were to get rough in the department that I would just leave because I wouldn't be committed to the job and the people I work with.

Ok. Well, I am uncertain about what I want from life. Everytime I find something that I'm good at or want I seem to get slapped down or discouraged from getting it. I feel beat down by fate right now and I don't know where I'm heading in any direction. I love derby, but my skating isn't great. I want to keep volunteering with kids, but it's hard to find the time to dedicate myself 100%. I want to be in love with a great man, but I'm scared to start something new only to be hurt again. I want to find a job that I love, but I don't know what that career path is for sure.

I do know that I enjoy this job. I have not once gotten up in the morning and not wanted to come to work. Never once while working have I looked at the clock and thought to myself, "Damn, it's only been three minutes since the last time I looked at the clock." I know that I find this position to be interesting, challenging, and fufilling. At this point I could see myself getting a degree in this area and moving up the ladder. How do I express that in a way that they see the "light" come on for me? I can talk til I'm blue in the face, but I can't seem to convince them.

Any suggestions from you, dear readers? My thought for now is to continue working my ass off while they continue interviewing. I figure if I don't give up that should speak a lot to the fact that I want to be here. I looked online today for other jobs just to cover my ass. Out of 143 postings not one sounded interesting enough to make me want to send a resume right now. Yes, I could send out five or ten resumes and probably get a job that would pay my bills. I just don't want that anymore. It sucks to spend so much time on daily basis doing something you hate. *sigh* As usual, nothing I want comes easy for me.