Living in the moment

Text message dialog from Saturday night between myself and one of my crushes while hanging out at the bar with a bunch of our friends:

Crush: UR hot
Me: Yer crazy
C: So are you
M: Gee thanks
C: So do U want to do it?
M: I thought you had a chick.
C: I'm single
M: Oh really
C: Is that a no?
M: Not necessarily

Crush has to leave to go work. He signals for me to come talk to him. He wraps his arms around me tight and whispers in my ear, "Are you coming home with me?" I just look at him and he says he knows I want to stay so he says he'll talk to me later. I watch him walk out the door and begin kicking myself for not going with him.

C: So U have no interest
M: I didn't say that. I'm just not a one night stand kinda girl.
C: Ok im not trying to be disrespectful in any way, just playing, i know U only like me as a friend. sorry.
M: That is not the case at all! I have always had a bit of a crush on you!
C: W O W !
M: So...
C: I had no idea
M: Well...
C: I think thats very kool
M: And now that you know...
C: Time tells all tales!
M: What is that suppose to mean?
C: Just trying to be dramatic, going to bed, talk to you soon. Very good to see u tonite.
M: Sweet dreams
C: U2 call me if ya want 2
Half an hour later
M: Still awake?
C: Why u want IT?
M: Maybe
C: Why you messing with me?
M: I'm not messing with you I mean it.
C: Call me tomorrow when you're sober and we'll talk.
M: Ok

So that's what happened. My answers are based on my cloudy memory. Bacardi was my best friend on Saturday after all. I did text with him briefly on Sunday. We did a bit of small talk and that was that. Now I am REALLY kicking myself for not going home with him. Even if we wouldn't have had sex, it would have been nice to get a little closer. I have no idea what will happen next. You all know that I am not that great at this whole dating thing. I have always found a guy and stayed with him for a couple years until things go bad. I've never really dated and I think that's why I don't live in the moment as much as I should. I'm always worried about months down the road and that leads me to so many regrets. I plan on keeping my options open for now and seeing where life takes me. And right now (if he doesn't flake out me) I have a date with a different crush tonight. He's coming over to make me dinner and watch a movie. Maybe I'll work on living in the moment tonight...