On the phone last night with T, and we were talking about men, relationships, what we are attracted to, stuff like that. So I was telling her about being attracted to men with dominant personalities. I have always been a submissive female to any male in my life. Maybe because I was raised by my dad I learned from a young age that a woman should respect her man. I can be very assertive when pushed, but when it comes to someone I am attracted to, or in a relationship with, I tend to bow to their needs. Before I recognized this about myself I ended up with men who were dominant in negative ways, men that hit and control. I was fulfilling one need, but missing out on so much more. Then I went into a relationship where the man was very kind and considerate, but I did not respect him as a man. I found myself not being sexually attracted to him because I did not feel that he could defend my honor in a dark ally. I am just not attracted to "nice guys". Don't get me wrong though, I don't want to date a guy that is an asshole, I want a true Dominant man. I heard a phrase the other day in a movie that really summed things up for me, "A slave is really a master in disguise." I think that is so true. The pleasure of the Dom is in the pleasure of the Sub wanting to submit to them.
In all honesty, that is what attracted me to Cabana Boy. I thought that he would be dominant in a relationship and caring enough to be someone I could truly submit to. While he has some dominant behaviors, he is not truly a Dom. He lacks the loving kindness required to allow a woman to truly submit herself to him. I think the trust involved is tremendous. In order to submit completely, one has to trust that one will be cared for in all situations. That is what I want, need, am looking for, and have yet to find. I don't even know where or how to look. To find someone online seems scary. I am not looking for someone to punish or humiliate me. I am looking for someone that will truly appriciate my pleasure in pleasing him, someone that wants to care for and protect me. It seems impossible to find, but I am going to keep looking.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
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1 comment:
A Manly Man is always going to win over a sensitive boy. Who doesn't want to feel big rough working hands on their skin? Metrosexuals are great to go shopping with, but there is something about knowing my man will never use my grooming products that turns me on. If I wanted to share unisex clothes, hair products, and scented lotions while both of us cry over a chick flick I'd be a lesbian. Groan my name, smack my arse, boss me around in the bedroom, and smell like a man...BUT...NEVER ask "is this o.k.", "am I doing it right", or "do you want to talk about it"! LMAO!
~T
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