One of the sweetest most twisted things I've ever read...

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

DEAR ALICIA
babe, seeing how i know ull never see this...unless amanda shows it to u lol ....but i just want to tell u that i love you and that i will truely miss u. you have beeen the girl that has truely made an impacet in my life and way before u became mine too. i can't belive i let myself fuck up and now i have to leave you for who knows how long damn the courts. why am i so fucking stupid. i love you i love everything about you i love how we sneak around, i love how were so spontatous...even to point where we have to out run the cops in reche canyon.i love waking up next to you, i love how when we sleep at night i can't let go of u, i love how ull try new things, i love off roading with u,i love having sex in the rain with you, i love that time in the boat, and the gazebo, i love staring at you, i love how u look at me, i love how ur proud of me eventho theres nothing to be proud of, i love how ull get things pierced for me, i love that tatoo i got in memory of you, i love how we can chill for hours with eachother not saying a word and still know what ur thinking, i love that black and chettah blanket, i love making u happy when ur sad, i love chicken pesto bagguettes with u , i love ur kitty kat, i love how u put up with my friends when i won't put up with urs, i love the nights when i chill with u at work, i love making up with u after a fight,i love those noises u make when we kiss, i love sunday mornings with you, i love showers with u, i love kissing every inch of ur body, i love bonfires with u, i lovetray surfing down ramdom hills with u,i love stealing streetsigns with u wrestling with you, yelling at the grove manager with you lol, i fucking love sex with you!!!!!! i love how you can be so grown up and at the same time so innocent. i love how u manage to get girls not to like u ..thats hott, i love how when everyone hated you u just said fuck them and you helped me through difficult times even when it issolated you from ur friends and family. i appreciate you as a girlfriend but even more as the BEST FUCKING FRIEND ive ever had. im sorry for all the shit i did to you and what i let happen to you. ur such an amazing person for still staying with me and talking to me and well doing other things with me lol. i'm sorry for trying to get u pregnant with out u knowing i just got scared that u were gonna leave me and i wanted us to be us forever and for sum dumb ass reason i came up with that...well maybe some day we can...but not now, im sorry for putting acid on you and for always meesing around with u when were drunk, im sorry for getting u locked up im sorry that i kept giving yay when i knew u were trying to quit.and i'm sorry for keep bringing that the fuck up still when it happened a while ago. i know uve gone through alot for me and with me but i wouldn't have chosen anyone better to be there with me. and i will always be thankful. if i do go to jail im sorry for doing that to you too....if i was smart i would have taken u away from bobby along time agoso we could have had more time...but hey at least u won't miss me cuz ur best friend is a female version of me with out the acid.lol babe i love you and i don;t deserve someone as specail as you so thank you for being with me always and for supporting me. U ARE MY STRONGEST WEAKNESS AND U'LL ALWAYS BE-josh
I surrendered my heart and soul to u It's gonna be a long time til I regain control Im a prisoner held captive by your memory
You're aesthetic perfection has fooled me once again
You'll always be the only one who feels like home
With your hollow words and your plastic smile
You had the most beautiful name I've ever cursed
Yet I wait for you to find your way to my arms.
And I'll wait here till you find your way,
I will wait here all my life
I spent the rest of my days waiting for an end to this mystery.
Though this dichotomy has brought me to my knees
You'll always be the only one who feels like home
And yet the seasons change, and with it does your tongues
Summer's sun has come back, with it misery.
Yet I wait for you to find your way to my arms.
And I'll wait here till you find your way,
I will wait here all my life
I spent the rest of my days waiting for an end to this mystery.
You, must find your way in my arms again.
(You, must find your way, back into my arms.)
Anything, to feel their warmth again.
So the sun has come back with me
And I'll wait here till you find your way,
I will wait here all my life
I spent the rest of my days praying for an end to this mystery.
Its the way she looks at me,
And possesses me to collect the head of anyone,
Collect the head of those who look her way,
Its the way her whispers seem to kiss my ear,
I'd collect the head of anyone,
Collect the head of those graced by her voice.
Her mournful screams were like a melody,
Of unimaginable beauty,
I forced her hand in mine,
As we danced to her song of lament.

I just find this type of raw emotion to be so heart warming. *sigh* I want that. Someone that can acknowledge everything I mean to him. That can admit to and apologize for their wrongs. Someone that knows that life with me is better. I know I'm getting all sappy on you, dear readers, I think it is my past haunting me with the ex being back in my life. Part of me always wished he felt that way, but I know that even if he did he would never admit it. He's still too stubborn to admit it, and now I can't even call him cause his stupid phone is temporarily disconnected. Oh well, maybe someday. Until then.....Calgone take me away.....